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Topic Summary

Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: November 10, 2020, 11:54:25 AM »

 Mia Kaster when she was calm, when she was okay happened to actually be quite friendly and funny. But the Titans, they unnerved her in a way nothing else did, unsettled her fragile sense of sanity and served to overthrow her courage. Whilst Mia might never abandon wounded if they were there, her willingness to stay in a fight was significantly weakened by the effects of the Titans upon her soul. "We'll see." Mia said forcing a smile, but it was still a smile all the same. He still needed to survive his first expedition beyond the Wall after all.

"Glad to hear." A good mount was worth their weight in gold, especially since the Scouts often rode and fought in areas unsuited to ODM gear. The Garrison and the MPs at least had the security of there generally having access to the Wall or urban environments to allow for the usage of their ODM gear. Scouts rarely had such luxuries so their horses were of the greatest importance.
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: November 07, 2020, 08:35:33 PM »

Kilian hesitated, looking her over. Yes, that was true. It hurt less when comrades died when you weren't attached to them. But having bonds with those you are working with is important. At least he thought so. He didn't want to go through life alone, always keeping his distance from people. "If that is your wish, I won't try to change that. But I don't think I'd ever be able to keep myself distant for long." He murmured with a small shrug. Yes, he was shy at times. But he still desired to have conversations and human interaction.

He then glanced down at his horse, patting it's neck. He listened as she spoke and nodded a bit. "I'd say we're doing alright so far." He mumbled, smiling down at the animal before looking ahead again. She hadn't caused him any issues so far, even with her minor freak out incidents she had every now and then.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: November 07, 2020, 08:10:04 PM »

"It is better to keep everyone at a distance." Mia responded evenly. "It hurts less when they die." For it was a matter of when people died in the Scouts, not if. Mia was far from ready to move on or try to come to terms with the trauma and the horror of her survival.

"They have great charm. Spot here is really popular with the kids." Mia said petting the neck of her mount affectionately. The pair shared a close bond as they were partners of survival, united together by the horrors they went through. It was the mare that kept Mia alive when she retreated to the safety of half insanity. "Bond with your horse well, they will keep you alive out there." Without a healthy horse, a Scout was as good as dead, gear broke, terrain could be unsuitable to ODM gear. A mount would never fail a Scout, a horse could save your life when it truly mattered.
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: October 29, 2020, 01:27:42 PM »

Kilian could tell the woman didn't believe him. Well, she had no reason to. After all he was a new recruit, nothing else. Mia had more experience then he had. She knew the horrors of the titan first hand. Still, what else was he supposed to do? He couldn't let her believe she was doomed.

"I'm sure you don't believe me, but...you're not alone." Kilian murmured after a moment. He glanced ahead, sighing softly. "I know you think of yourself as damaged. But you have people in the scouts." Kilian murmured, glancing back towards her. She had friends in the regiment. She was lucky. "Your friends can help you heal and move on. You don't have to go through all this alone." He murmured.

He then glanced down at his horse, nodding in agreement. It was strange that anything small startled them, but they seemed typically fine around titans. Still, he didn't mind. Autumn was a good companion regardless. "It is. But their personality gives them charm, I suppose." He murmured with a soft laugh.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: October 29, 2020, 08:30:41 AM »

Fine? The word sounded strange in her mind, tired as she was. Mia doubted she could ever be classed as fine, mentally unstable, mad, crazy, they were all suitable descriptions for her, but fine? She could never be fine, not after everything that had happened. He could be fine though, he survived his trial by fire, he witnessed the enemy first hand and was still here to talk about it. Not everyone possessed such a luxury, indeed many brave soldiers never got the chance to encounter a Titan more than once.

"They do." Mia replied quietly, patting Spot's neck affectionately. She owed her life to the animal, it had been Spot and not Mia that brought her back to the gate. She smirked at the story of his own horse. "It is weird what they can get startled over." She said quietly.
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: October 27, 2020, 12:55:00 PM »

Kilian merely offered a soft smile at her nod, looking ahead again. He listened silently as she spoke again. He didn't know what to say at that. She was right of course. The truth was they were terrifying. He knew firsthand. That day when his home fell, he could still clearly remember it. He had nightmares almost every night about it. But he knew sooner or later he'd have to get over these fears if he wanted to survive in the scouts. He released a deep sigh and gave a small nod. "We'll both be fine, Mia." He said after a moment.

Kilian sat in silence as he looked around. Thankfully all had seemed clear and he relaxed a bit when Mia's horse started trotting on again. Kilian continued patting at Autumn's neck, letting his companion take a moment to relax before pushing her onwards again. when he caught back up to Mia, he hummed softly.

"You know, I love our horse companions. But I swear they get startled by their own shadow sometimes." Kilian murmured, attempting to lighten the mood for Mia. He didn't want her panicking again. "Autumn here got scared of a butterfly once even though she towered over it." Kilian murmured.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: October 26, 2020, 03:55:40 PM »

 Mia stared at him, unsure whether or not he was being honest. Maybe he truly thought that, perhaps he was just saying it in order to be kind. She was not sure, but in the end she merely nodded by way of acknowledgement. It seemed a rather small thing to do in regards to his words, but Mia found herself at a loss for words. After a long pause, she said. "I think you will find that fear is our foe's greatest weapon. Not their strength, not their endurance, not their numbers... But the fear that instill into every single one of us." It was being able to resist that fear, to act, that helped soldiers to stay alive. Maybe Mia had once been among them, but now her terror, her horror was near impossible to control, like trying to stop water from slipping through the gaps in her fingers.

Mia kept a wary on their surroundings, in case what startled the horses made an appearance. Slowly, a hand reached for one of her blades. Yet nothing appeared, no wild animals, no Titans. After a few tense seconds, her horse let out a snort and trotted on happily. Maybe the animals were at times just as skittish as their human masters.
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: October 21, 2020, 04:35:32 PM »

Kilian stayed silent for a while, thinking about what she had said. Did she really not consider herself strong? He thought otherwise. She had the strength to continue fighting even after enduring loss and pain. She had the strength to continue working in the scouts despite having the option to transfer. To him, that made her strong. So what if she wasn't physically the strongest in the scouts? She still had determination and he admired that.

Kilian let out a soft laugh and shook his head a bit. "Mia, it's alright." The boy murmured, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't mind catching her on a bad day. He was just happy he managed to find her alive. "You've done enough for me. In truth, I'm sorry you're in the state you are right now. But I'm happy I actually got to speak to you like this." Kilian said, looking over towards her. "It's...You've been insightful and told me things others would probably lie about to not scare us new recruits. I appreciate it." Kilian murmured.

Kilian took a glance down at Mia's horse when he heard it snort, frowning softly. His horse huffed as well, fidgeting slightly. Kilian reached down, lightly patting at its neck. "Hey, it's alright buddy." He murmured softly, trying to calm his horse. He glanced around, trying to spot anything that could have startled the horses.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: October 21, 2020, 03:42:35 PM »

"The human body and mind has limitations and I think I am mostly at mine. Maybe you are right and I am not weak, but nor can I count myself among the ranks of the strong." The strong, the capable, the mentally strong, able to cope with the horrors of war and reality. She barely knew even of the fraction of the horrors within her own skull, but even partial knowledge was enough to not want to know any more.

"I took an oath to dedicate my heart to humanity, maybe to the Garrison and the Military Police it does not mean anything since they are safe and protected." But to her, it meant something even if it cost her virtually everything to continue to exist. "I am probably far from the best person to welcome you to the Scouts... Were I... Were I better I am much friendlier and more..." She searched for the right word before eventually saying. "Chipper than I am now." There were two sides to Mia the joyful side and the haunted ghost side of her. Suddenly Mia's horse let out a snort and she glanced at the creature, gently patting it's neck.
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: October 20, 2020, 02:44:46 PM »

The boy was silent as Mia spoke, keeping his gaze down. It was true, the weak either suffered or were killed in battle. But, he imagined the strong suffered too. They just didn't show it as often, if at all. He glanced towards her, hesitating a bit. He agreed, freedom was worth dying for. But to lose your mind?

Of course sacrifice hurt. It was painful to lose comrades and friends who you were close to. He understood that. And he knew the longer he was alive in the scouts, the more he'd experience it. And although he was prepared for it, he didn't want any others to lose their lives, as bleak as that hope was.

Kilian nodded, frowning softly. Everything would have been in vain if she left now. But it would be better for her health, surely. He sighed softly. "Mia, you're not..." Kilian's voice trailed off as he stared at her. She wasn't what? Tormented? Broken? She was, and there was no denying that. She had suffered in her short years as a scout. "Maybe you are tormented. But you're not weak." He said, trying to reassure her. "If anything, you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. Most I know would have fled and quit the military if they went through all you did." Kilian murmured.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: October 20, 2020, 07:22:36 AM »

"This world we live in, is cold and cruel. The strong survive, the weak suffer what they must and for what?" Mia shook her head with a long frustrated sigh. "A chance of love? To earn money? Outside those Walls lies the hope of freedom, of a chance for a better life and even though what lurks out there seeks to crush us, eat us, kill us... Freedom is worth it, it is worth dying for." She said, perhaps speaking more to herself. "It is worth losing your mind for." Mia was aware her grip on sanity was forever a weak link, a flaw in her character, one she could try to reinforce but against the foes they faced, her greatest weakness.

"It doesn't, sacrifice no matter how necessary can still wound your soul." Mia did not see herself as a veteran, heck she was not even sure how she saw herself anymore. She was just so tired, tired of being haunted by nightmares, tired of being afraid to close her eyes, tired of the fear that she might slip forever into the welcoming arms of madness and despair. Mia wanted to be a soldier, she wanted to be there to save her friends and comrades...

At his question Mia shook her head. "If I transferred now I would be rendering everything I had suffered, I lost, I sacrificed mute, it would be pointless to switch now and abandon the cause. I admit most Scouts have not suffered as I do, they are not tormented things like me." She forced a smile. "We will win because we cannot afford to lose."
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: October 19, 2020, 05:25:19 PM »

Kilian looked confused for a moment. Surely she'd want to see her friends, especially if they were part of defending Utopia. Kilian glanced away from Mia after a moment. Oh. Perhaps that was why. It seemed she fled pretty early after her squad was killed off. And maybe some of her friends didn't make it. Maybe it was best for her not to know who didn't make it. At least not yet. "I understand." Kilian murmured, offering a faint sympathetic smile.

Kilian glanced over towards her, his eyes slightly wide. She'd only been here around two years? He really thought she was here for much longer then that. Still, two years staying alive in the scouts, that was impressive. Although, given her state of mind right now, maybe it wasn't so great. He glanced down, hesitating a bit. "No, it doesn't." Kilian murmured quietly. He'd already lost someone and that was before he joined the scouts. He was aware if he grew close to anyone here, he would most likely experience that loss again.

"If you could transfer to the Garrison, would you?" He asked, looking towards Mia. He wasn't sure if transferring even was possible. But if it was, maybe it would be the better option for her.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: October 18, 2020, 02:29:41 PM »

 Mia shook her head at his offer. "No I would rather they did not see me." Partly this was because she did not want to be seen by anyone in such a fragile state. Mia was not the soldier many of them believed her to be, she did not want that belief to be shattered so utterly. However there was another reason to not see her friends, as then she would know who survived and who was devoured during the fighting. It was far better to not know than to discover the truth.

"Not very long." Mia admitted. "Only a year, maybe two if that." The fates had been far from kind to the young woman, who was in truth only sixteen. The brutal battles, the bloody slaughter of mankind... It scarred the soul. "In hindsight I should have joined the Garrison... The brave might choose the Scouts but bravery does not shield you from the scars." Her hair was perhaps the most visible reminder of what could happen, bright white instead of fiery orange.
Posted by: Kilian Richter
« on: October 17, 2020, 12:20:11 PM »

Kilian gave a small nod to her answer, looking ahead. That was good that she did. Whenever they got back to the base, he'd have to track them down so they could go see her. Mia's friends were probably worried sick. He'd let her wander off on her own to find them, but what she needed right now was rest and some medical attention. "Once you're settled in, I'll find them and send your friends your way." Kilian offered, giving her a small smile.

"How long have you been a scout?" The boy asked curiously. He had met a few veteran members, but he was mostly stuck with the new recruits. Not that he minded since the new recruits were his classmates he's known for three years. Although the only one left alive that he was close to was still recovering from his injuries and heading into the Military Police.

He pushed his thoughts aside, turning his attention back to Mia. If he had to guess, he would say she's been here a few years already. But maybe not. Though he could tell by her breakdown that she's been here long enough to witness too much death.
Posted by: Mia Kaster
« on: October 14, 2020, 08:07:39 AM »

"Of course I have friends." Mia said as if the question were an obvious one. When she was not filled with despair and desperate madness brought about by terror and horror, Mia was surprisingly friendly and cheery. Whether it was her nature was up for debate, her will to resist and fight the Titans was fragile at best. Whatever they had done to her comrades initially had wounded her deeply, witnessing the deaths of so many in Utopia brought back horrors and nightmares long hidden by amnesia and unconscious suppression.

She rode along, seemingly content to let silence fill the air between them. Now that someone had managed to drag her from her terrors, exhaustion clung to her, the battle, the flight, the barely getting any rest or sleep... It was perhaps a grim miracle that Mia still happened to be standing.

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