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Author Topic: Silence Says A Lot [Shay]  (Read 875 times)

Silence Says A Lot [Shay]
« on: December 01, 2019, 02:46:49 AM »
[Year 845]

The day finally came to an end. Finally.

It was so different, so strange to be in a place with so many strangers, so many individuals with backgrounds so vastly different from his own. It was overwhelming and by the time they were ordered to their assigned cabins Kaien felt drained of all energy. The sad fact was that he didn’t even really understand why; he didn’t talk much, he didn’t do much… yet he felt exhausted.

He slowly released his breath, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back against the wall of the cabin, his hands sliding across the cheap, linen sheets. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as the absence of silk and organic cotton reminded him of being one step closer to freedom. Closer to a life in the Garrison, far away on some wall where he could stare up at the sky all day if he wanted to. A boring life; one with a purpose he can eventually give himself.

“So, where do you come from?” a voice suddenly asked from the top bunk directed at another. The smile quickly faded from kaien’s lips and he pushed himself out from underneath the dark corner and slid to lay flat on his back, his eyes staring up at the tops of the few heads he could see from those perched on the top bunk. They were sitting in a circle, like children around a campfire telling stories of their past. How ridiculous.

“I come from Karanes District, in Wall Rose. My family owns a small bakery in town...” one answered and it continued as they moved around the circle, which only seemed to grow as more joined in. Stories about their homes, their mother’s cooking, their reactions to Wall Maria falling. It was infuriating. Kaien furrowed his brows and grabbed onto the thin pillow to pull it over his face, hoping to block out any further stories from the boys on the top bunk. There was no point in getting to know anyone this early, and it certainly didn’t make sense to be so open about your past. What did it matter anyway…

"What about you guys, Kaien... Shay?"

Re: Silence Says A Lot [Shay]
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2019, 03:32:18 AM »
Who knew training to fight enormous man-eating monsters could take a serious toll on the human body.

Not that he was complaining out loud, but Shay was really getting fed up with the rigorous exercises he was being forced to go through, along with the rest of the cadets. He wanted more than anything to be the best at slaying Titans, but nobody told him it would be this hard. After his day had wrapped up, the young man trudged through the dirt back to his cabin, prepared to hit the hay for the evening.

Shay sat down silently in his bunk, staring down at the ground as his fellow cadets conversed with one another about topics of interest. With a conversation like a whirlwind, the boys jumped from one subject to the next, discarding the previous topic like trash. Finally they came to talk about where they were from, as well as their families.

He didn’t listen to anything the others were saying, instead laying back and resting his head upon the flat pillow. However, his ears perked up when he heard his own name mentioned, along with another boy named Kaien. Looking around, Shay realized that everyone’s eyes were either on him or the other guy, something Shay wasn’t too comfortable with. “No thanks, I’m... I’m gonna go get some air.." he muttered. It was the only excuse he could think of quickly to get out of the room without having to answer.

Slowly the red haired boy rose from his bunk and walked outside, ignoring the looks he was getting from the others. Once out of the uncomfortably silent room, he took a seat on the top step of the cabin, folding his knees and crossing his arms over them, resting his head upon his forearms. Letting out a low sigh, Shay thought of his parents, wondering what fate they might have faced all those years ago. {What else?} he mused internally.

"Gone. They’re gone...”
Shay whispered, the two words echoing through his mind.

Re: Silence Says A Lot [Shay]
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2019, 07:36:48 PM »
His fingers dug into the pillow's flesh as he slowly slid it from his face to the side, revealing furrowed brows and anger filled eyes staring back up at them. Most of them seemed filled with curiosity, some already regretted asking the question, while the one who was brave enough to utter the words sat tall and proud, a rather smug look presenting itself upon his features. He was either stupidly naive, or he was trying to make a statement among the rest. Either way, Kaien was not having any part of it… and neither did the other seem to.

Shay, was it? He didn't really pay attention to names all that much, and probably wouldn't until the crowd was properly thinned out. So many wouldn't last the first week, and he was willing to bet that there were even a few of them in the cabin who'll be sent off to the fields to go live an 'easier' life. It was all a bunch of Titan shit of course and Kaien knew that. The fields were only one step up from working in the factories. Point being; you go there, you die. At least here you get to fight to stay alive, or was that propaganda as well… Honestly he couldn't tell anymore.

He watched as Shay politely declined their offer and excused himself, pushing himself up from his bunk to defiantly walk past every set of eyes that now seemed glued to him. Most seemed quite confused, some seemed offended like they were somehow entitled to his life's story, while mister smug seemed rather satisfied with himself. Shay left the room and the door clicked back shut behind him and suddenly all eyes turned back onto Kaien. "Pfft" he blew out, pushing himself up into a seated position, his head ducking out from underneath the top bunk.

Once the Strawberry left, the room started to feel warmer and somehow smaller as the pressure of the question remained. He pulled on his boots and stood to his feet, running a hand through his hair, pulling his head back as he inhaled deeply. "Fresh air sounds good." he dropped his arm, his hair falling forward to frame his face before he pushed past the legs hanging over the sides as he made his way to the door. Kaien ignored all the eyes following his every step until he reached the one who spoke up, pausing to look at him from the corner of his eye while slowly lifting his hand to place a single finger against his lips.

It was an eerie moment, the smug look faded to a mixture of fear and confusion. Kaien held his stance for a moment longer before simply breaking free from their gaze and exiting the cabin, leaving the boys to speculate inside. It was just a little fun; they would go on wondering what it meant, whether it meant anything at all, or was it a threat, a warning, a sign that he had a sketchy past? Whatever they decided, as long as it meant they wouldn't be asking him anything again.

With the door closed behind him, the cool night air brushing past his cheeks and flowing through his hair; Kaien immediately felt better. His eyes flashed down towards the red headed figure on the steps as faint words left his lips, only for them to be carried away by the wind. He raised a quizzical brow, unsure of which action to take as he assessed the situation in front of him. Although he left the cabin with the same intentions as Shay did before him, he didn't leave to follow the other cadet but rather to go his own path. Neither seemed eager to talk about themselves, or much at all, so why did the current situation feel so awkward.

"Gone?" Kaien recalled the only word he heard, stepping closer and down one step to lean against the railing. "If you mean those morons inside? Yeah, they're gone for now. At least I don't think they'll be asking anymore questions." he said as he stared down at Shay, who seemed rather shaken. Kaien could see it then - pain, loss, frustration, maybe even fear. It radiated off of him like energy, a feeling far too familiar for him to ignore. It was small, yes, it was like he was only peering through a crack, but even then it was enough.

"... Gone"

Kaien's stance softened as he realized the 'gone' he heard must have had nothing to do with the cadets inside at all. He sighed softly - apologetically. "I'm sorry." he uttered in an almost whisper, lowering his head as he let a moment pass before sliding down the wooden pillar to sit on the top step next to Shay. "I'm alone too." he added, his eyes staring off into the wide open field. In some ways he was lying, however, it all depended on how you looked at it. If blood was the only thing that made you family, then yes, he still had it and still it never made him feel anything but alone.

Re: Silence Says A Lot [Shay]
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2019, 01:38:40 AM »
Shay wasn’t aware of the door opening, or the sudden presence of the other boy from his cabin. The words uttered by Kaien startled Shay, but he did his best to his any sort of reaction, instead just shifting his head ever so slightly to look towards his fellow cadet.

He didn’t respond when Kaien mused aloud about what Shay’s word meant, opting to let him be wrong in silence. Shay didn’t take his character reading abilities into account though, and when he heard an apology, his reddened ears perked up a bit. Scooting over so the boy could sit beside him, "Why are you sorry?” he asked, his voice devoid of feeling, completely monotoned.

"It’s not you’re fault that I’m alone. Apology not accepted." Shay sneered at Kaien, not wanting to even give him the chance of being friendly. "But... that’s too bad about your family..." he added, notably not apologizing as Kaien had.

He looked away, now staring up at the moon, letting out a gentle sigh. "Thanks for not prying like the others. I’ve been getting it all day, I can’t stand it..." he groaned, leaning his head against his hand, crook of his elbow resting on his knee.

In all honesty, Shay has been deflecting questions about his personal life for the last five years. Not even the kind Garrison soldier that had taken him in and provided him a home for many years was aware of the truth. Some small part of him believed the cadet corps would be a place to go where he could start over, where he could ignore his past and start anew.

Boy was he wrong. All it had been all day was, "Where are you from? What do your parents do? Any brothers? Sisters? What about pets?" it had grated his ears for so long, and here he was hearing it all again. Finally though, he met Kaien, someone who didn’t make any personal inquiries the second they met.

Shay wasn’t big on friends. In fact, he didn’t have any, and he wasn’t too sure he wanted any either. But this kid Kaien... he was alright. Maybe he’d make a good friend.

Re: Silence Says A Lot [Shay]
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2020, 08:42:04 PM »
Shay shifted over to allow room for Kaien and for a moment he felt very aware of his size and his long legs that reachedfar past the steps despite sitting on the top. It was an annoying reminder and his shoulders tensed, as if somehow pulling them in to his body would make him take up less space. It wasn’t like there wasn’t enough room for them both, and he knew Shay was only being considerate, but suddenly all those times his size became an issue, making people feel uncomfortable around him, it all came to the fore. His mouth pulled to the side in dissatisfaction and light embarrassment as his eyes fell onto the emptiness in front of him, his mind stuck on images from his past that were not welcome at all.

”Why are you sorry?”

The cadet beside him spoke, not really saving him from the visuals inside his head… but he did have a point. He turned his gaze to his boots, the heel digging into the dirt as his body struggled to become comfortable while his thoughts raced. Why did he feel sorry? It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know the redheaded boy before now and even now he barely knew him at all. Did he want him to… feel better? He shouldn’t care, he shouldn’t have allowed himself to feel ‘sorry’. His sympathy didn’t matter, and it was meaningless… still, he did feel sorry, and as he glanced at him from the corner of his eye he could not stop the breathy chuckle from escaping his throat after a second of silence, finding it rather ironic.

“Alright, I understand.” his shoulders dropped, relaxing as a faint, almost sad smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Shay reminded him of someone, someone he cared about, some he lost.. the smile completely faded then, and he lightly cleared his throat. “Apology retracted.” he, shifted and leaned back, inhaling a deep breath and tilting his head towards the sky, following Shay’s gaze up at the moon. “And yeah… too bad about my family…” his voice was laced with a hint of hate and anger, but he tried to disguise it underneath a pretense of sorrow and regret. To Kaien it was really 'too bad' that they were still alive, perhaps that they ever lived at all. His eyes fell to the ground, ashamed that he found relief in such thoughts, but he quickly returned them to the sky, his fingers curling into fists against the wooden floor. They did not deserve pity.

“Mhm,” he hummed in response to Shay “Me neither.” he admitted, half of his attention someplace else. “It’s not like any of it matters, and it only makes you weak and vulnerable. So why they cling onto it so much…” he shrugged, his eyes turning to look down at Shay, a feeling of calm passing over him as he observed his fellow cadet. “So, what’s your plans?” He kept the question vague, perhaps too vague.

Re: Silence Says A Lot [Shay]
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2020, 12:19:04 AM »
Shay stared at the other boy with dropping eyelids, his expression was naturally disinterested, but he couldn’t help but get drawn towards this kid, and that wasn’t just because of his purple hair. His plans... what plans? Shay had actually not thought all that much about what he wanted to do. He planned on joining the scout regiment, he hoped he wouldn’t die on his first expedition, and he dreamed of getting home one day. Did he expect a single one of those ideals to pan out though? Not in a thousand years, no. Yet, it would be unproductive to simply say, “I plan to avoid death.” So Shay had to come up with a more explanatory response. "I guess I don’t really know. I’d prefer to join the scouts, take back what’s ours..." The words left his mouth in an unconvincing fashion, but the redhead hoped Kaien would opt against prying any further.

He still couldn’t shake the purple-haired cadet’s previous statement, that those who clung onto their family were weak. Maybe he was right. Why did Shay still yearn to hear his father’s voice or feel his mother’s gentle touch? It was entirely their fault he was in this hellish world to begin with. If they hadn’t lied to him for so long, maybe he would’ve been able to lead a normal life, but no, they had to keep their little boy safe by keeping secrets. "Lot of good that did..." Shay muttered under his breath, unaware that his conscious thoughts were beginning to manifest into words that came out of his mouth.

His face burned red in the dim light of the torches, and his grimace turned even more sour. The thought of letting go of the ideals he’d clung to since the change in his life made his skin crawl, he didn’t want to become unrecognizable to himself. Yet, the idea of idolizing his treacherous parents, no matter how noble their aspirations may or may not have been, made his blood boil like the steamy bodily plasma inside the wretched Titans. Maybe Kaien could help him with this thoughts. Not tonight, not on their first introductions, but possibly someday when they’d grown closer as friends, they could sit down, and Shay could tell him the truth of his situation. The idea alone was enough to get some weight off of Shay’s chest. He liked thinking of the future, because thinking of the past would bring only pain, and thinking of the present.... well, nobody wanted to live in this world, least of all the black sheep like Shay.


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