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Author Topic: [OPEN] Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)  (Read 721 times)

Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« on: September 23, 2020, 10:10:46 PM »
Several weeks after Utopia

Though Mia Kaster had fought in the battle for Utopia, at some point she had become separated from her squad in the Scouts. The medic had then joined up with some rag tag squad of soldiers from different regiments... Shortly before they had been massacred by the Titans. With that her spirit had broken and she fled. Mia was always haunted by her nightmares of surviving when everyone else didn't. Once more Titans and death drove the poor woman into the depths of insanity, with the swiftness born of madness and terror she abandoned the field of battle. Officially she was listed as MIA and presumed dead, in truth however... Mia Kaster survived her mind fractured and slowly trying to come back together.

With a jolt Mia sat up, confused by her peaceful rural surroundings. Her eyes flicked wildly about as if searching for Titans. How did she get here? The last thing she remembered and recalled was fighting the Titans in Utopia... Her horse let out a snort as she grazed, the reliable animal true and loyal as ever with it's damaged master.
Her uniform was filthy, muddy and torn in place, her ODM gear was caked in mud and bits of leaves. She wondered just what she had been doing since... Since... How long? How long had she been out of her mind? An hour? A day? A month? Mia did not know, she did not but the Titans they must have won right? She needed to move, she had to get away, had to get away from them, from those things....

A sudden crack of someone stepping on a branch cause Mia to leap up and draw her blade. Her vision swam, she felt thirsty, hot and sick. "You won't get me." She told the undergrowth. "I'm not going to be turned into Titan chow. I've got to warn the Scouts, tell them where the Titans are." Mia told herself, not yet fully recovered from being once more driven half insane by the Titans. She staggered over to her dappled horse, the creature reassuring in it's calm manner, unlike it's rider who appeared capable of anything. "I've got to get away. I... I need to warn the Scouts." « Last Edit: September 23, 2020, 10:11:17 PM by Mia Kaster »
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2020, 12:35:49 AM »
Though it had been weeks since the battle of Utopia and the dead had all been accounted for, there was one name Kilian heard thrown around a bit. Mia Kaster. The new recruit didn't know anything about the woman, but he heard the news that she had been MIA. He knew in most cases, it was best not to get hope up. It was likely she was dead. But he couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

Kilian had set out on a search for the missing scout, taking out his newly assigned horse with him. Was this stupid of him to do? Of course. He had no battle experience under his belt, and his travels had lead him away from the safety of the town. It was dangerous for him to be without anyone else. He wasn't sure if other scouts had set out for a search party, but he wasn't going to sit idly by if there was a chance she was alive and lost somewhere. And there was the possibility of getting into trouble of just leaving without telling anyone, but he would accept whatever punishment they gave him if it came to that.

The young male had been traveling for a few days, resting here and there wherever he found safety. He was lucky in terms of avoiding titans, but he knew that luck would only last so far. When the sun had rose, he set off again, traveling through a rural area. Kilian's eyes were slightly wide as he took in his surroundings. It was beautiful and nothing like he had seen before.

His attention was drawn back when he heard a snap of a branch that his horse had stepped on. Kilian flicked his gaze forward, spotting a woman a few feet in front of him drawing a blade towards him. Kilian froze, unsure if she would lunge at him or not in her frightened state. The mare he was riding seemed to sense his fear and snorted, stomping her hoof on the ground. Kilian frowned, reaching down to pet the mare's neck, shushing her softly, keeping his gaze on the woman. Was this Mia? If so, she looked to be in poor condition.

"Mia? Is that you?" Kilian asked, watching the woman warily. He hesitated a bit. "It's...it's alright. You're safe." Kilian said, trying to keep his voice soft so he didn't startle her. He frowned softly. How long had she been stuck out here? And if she was hurt, she would need medical attention. Something Kilian lacked in.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2020, 06:17:57 AM »
 Mia stared at him when another Scout spoke her name, she blinked slowly but continued to stare as if amazed he was alive. It may have been enough of a response to confirm that the healer was Mia and that Mia... Well the Titans had dealt another blow to the sensitive young woman, driving her once again into the welcoming embrace of half insanity. "No no no." Mia repeated quickly shaking her head. "It's not safe. The Titans are in. I... I've got to get away, got to warn the Scouts..." She gripped the saddle of her horse with her free hand, the other held her blade in a white knuckled grip.

"They killed everyone... I survived again." Mia swept out, tears flowing down and cutting through the grim and filth that cake her pale skin. "I... Utopia has fallen I've got to warn everyone that the Titans are in." The rustle of a creature in the undergrowth, caused Mia's blade to flick in that direction. "They're gonna eat. I don't want to be eaten, like they did to Vic and Felix. I... They tore Gemma apart. I... I survived, I killed them. Killed the Titans... But they ate them, they tore them apart like they were mere food."

The anguish in her voice was painful to hear and perhaps to other Scouts it might have appeared that history was repeating itself. Mia was alone with her horse, half insane from whatever the Titans had done to her. « Last Edit: September 24, 2020, 08:07:00 AM by Mia Kaster »
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2020, 08:58:26 AM »
Kilian was a bit unsure on if he should even attempt to approach her. She didn't really seem all there currently. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes wide as he watched her mutter to herself. Kilian slowly got down from the saddle, starting to slowly approach her. "Mia, there aren't any titan around here." He explained, hazarding another step towards her. "I've been traveling for days to track you down. I haven't spotted any yet." He murmured.

When she started rambling on about her comrades that had been killed, Kilian stopped in his tracks, his body going stiff as he listened. He understood now why she snapped then. While he didn't experience the horror with his own eyes, he lost someone dear to him too. He wasn't handling it well, but this was neither the time nor place for him to grieve.

Kilian's heart broke at how anguished she sounded. He wasn't good with this sort of things. How do you comfort someone who lost their mind? He had no knowledge of how to handle this properly. The young boy let out a slight distressed breath, glancing away from Mia for a moment. He soon shook his head and decided to approach her fully.

Once he was close enough, he carefully reached out, risking giving her a hug, his eyes fixed on the blade she was holding. If she decided to strike at him, he probably wouldn't be quick enough to move. But he didn't know what else to do for her. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2020, 09:32:24 PM »
 Mia watched him slowly approach, she kept the blade pointed at him, the other still gripping the saddle of her beloved mount. "They are coming. Utopia... Utopia is gone! We need to go before they catch up." She shook her head, the blade lowered a fraction. "Impossible. You must have missed them they... They were everywhere. They were... They are going to get me. I survived once where everyone died. Now again... No not again. I cannot, I cannot deal with that pain."

She stared at him when he apologised. "You did not kill them. I did. I failed to protect them once, I survived where everyone else fell. But to do so again... Not again, why do I  live on where everyone else dies?" She let out a shrieking sob before falling to her knees. "I cannot keep doing this... Everyone dies but me. I... I remembered for one horrible second, of what happened to everyone the first time around. How Spot got me out I have no idea." That event outside the Walls resulted in the first time Mia had been broken. The lone Scout had managed to reach the safety of Wall Rose thanks to her horse Spot. Though the sight the soldiers found then had not been a pleasant one for them. Mia Kaster, had been half starved, half insane and covered in dried blood. Her hair had turned white from the horror of it and Mia's own mind blocked out the trauma of it, she did not recall little more than nightmarish fragments.

Yet in the battle of Utopia, as her comrades fell around her, she recalled for just a second that day and that knowledge once again returned her to that dark place. "I... I'm.."  She glanced at the blade in her hand and dropped it. The look of insanity faded slightly in her eyes, but was still there... Mia was far from her usual self, this was a broken shell of a person, a scout who witnessed terrible horrors and her very soul recoiled at them. "The..." She struggled to form words. "I don't know if I can go on."  She meant running, running to Wall Sina.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2020, 03:39:16 PM »
Kilian had noticed the blade was still aimed at him. He managed to pry his gaze away from the weapon and up to Mia's gaze. He winced slightly at how distressed she sounded. He didn't think reasoning was going to work with her right now, but he was certainly going to try. He shook his head a bit. Of course she wouldn't have known about the events in Utopia if she fled "Mia, Utopia didn't fall." He explained, hesitating for a moment. "It was heavily damaged, but it's secure now." Kilian said.

Kilian glanced down as she started speaking again. He wanted to comfort her, but after the horrors she had seen, whatever he had to say probably wouldn't accomplish much. At her sob, Kilian froze as she fell to her knees, his eyes wide as he stared down at her. He opened his mouth to say something but had stopped. Something in her words had struck him into silence.

Deep down, he understood. While he had yet to go up against a titan, he understood loss. Like Mia, there were people in his life he cared for. And now they were gone while he was still alive. While he couldn't do anything to save his family, he could have protected Dalton. He had promised him he would and when the time came, he failed to do so. He had let him down.

A shiver ran up his spine as he thought of the horrors Dalton must have face before he was killed. He had been spacing out, but the small thud of the blade hitting the ground caught his attention again. He was distinctly aware of his eyes burning from unshed tears, but he had refused to let them fall in front of Mia. He made his way over to her, slowly getting down onto his knees.

Kilian hesitated before reaching out, lightly laying a hand over hers. "I know it hurts, Mia." He murmured, his voice breaking slightly. He was silent for a few heartbeats. "You can't give up. Not yet." He said, a small frown on his lips. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He was sure giving up was an easy option. But their comrades can't have died for nothing. They had to go on no matter how painful it was. 
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2020, 09:37:11 PM »
 Mia blinked at him and shook her head quickly. "No no no. Nothing stops them, it is destroyed... Fallen, Wall Maria is breached. We... We... Humanity has never beaten the Titans, they are without number." She found his news of a victory impossible to believe, whether sane or not, Mia's own experiences warred against his story of a triumph.

Humanity never won, it was impossible. But it was human nature to struggle, to strive, to survive. That's what Mia had done, continued the struggle, survive and do whatever it took to survive even as everyone else fell around her.
Yet could it be true? Humanity managing to win instead of the bitter and relentless taste of and for defeat. Mia swallowed, he had said he came to find her... The more rational part of her mind fought to reclaim itself from madness and despair. She was far from stable and it was clear that Mia may never be the same again.

She jumped, so lost in thoughts that she failed to notice his sudden closeness till his hand touched her's. Mia stared at him, her eyes shining, filled with pain, horror and sadness. "I remembered." She choked out, her voice cracking and quiet. "What happened when I returned alone to the Wall after..." She trailed off, after the expedition in which Mia barely survived, turning up alone outside a gate in Wall Maria. "For the briefest of seconds... I remembered." It may have been a fragment, but it was enough. She stared at him, her eyes briefly horribly sane. "I cannot repeat it. I don't want to say it, but they will make me. Yes, they will want answers but... I... I cannot give them." She took a deep breath, trying to regain some manner of composure and largely failing. "The officers will want those answers." She whispered.
Logged


Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2020, 01:10:24 AM »
Kilian stared at her, shifting his gaze down. He was silent for a moment, hesitating. News of why they had succeeded had traveled fast once it was made public, but whether he was actually permitted to say what had happened, he wasn't sure. Besides, he didn't think Mia would take to the news too kindly right now, so he would keep silent on the subject of Eren and his abilities.

"Yes, the titans are large in number. But the Survey Corps have been fighting them for years, right?" He asked gently, trying to offer a small reassuring smile, though he was probably failing at that. "We lost land to them. But the Scouts have taken out a lot of titans in their years of service. Surely their numbers must be decreasing." he said. It was hopeful thinking, sure. And he was well aware there were still countless titans outside of the walls. But they must be getting close to eradicating all of them, right? Then again, he was a new recruit with optimism the rest of the veteran scouts probably didn't share.

"When we get back, I'm sure one of the commanders will be able to fill you in on everything a lot better then I could." Kilian murmured. He frowned slightly when he noticed her jump when he touched her hand. He hadn't meant to startle her, but probably any physical contact right now was enough to put her on edge.

Kilian fell silent and glanced down at the grass as she spoke. He couldn't even imagine what she must have gone through. Deep down he knew he'd most likely see something similar with his own eyes. But he had avoided thinking of that until now. He shook his head a bit.

"Mia, what you need to do right now is see someone with more medical knowledge then me." Kilian explained, meeting her gaze again. He would love to help her as best as he could, but he lacked any knowledge to do so. "You've been out here for a while, yeah? You must be exhausted. And you fought in Utopia so if you have any injuries, you need them looked at." Kilian murmured, squeezing her hand gently before letting go and moved his hand away, letting it rest on his lap. "Any questions they want to ask you, I'm sure they can wait until you've recovered." he said.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2020, 10:17:24 PM »
 Mia stared at him as if he were the one who happened to be insane and not her. "You cannot believe that." She said it less as a question and more as a statement. "They are without number... They crush us, devour us, tear us limb from limb... I survive, I always survive but I don't want to anymore. Everyone dies, everyone but me. Why me?" Mia was clearly losing some battle to maintain control of herself. Her sanity and the mere grip she had on it happened to be in danger of slipping fully again.

"No no... They won't want me back." Mia Kaster said, her voice grim and surprising frightened. "I ran away..." She strongly suspected that it was the military police for her. She swallowed and said quietly. "I abandoned my comrades."

She looked like she wanted to argue or fight, but the light faded in her eyes and Mia merely nodded at him in defeat. "Okay." Mia whispered, seemingly too tired to consider resisting or fighting on. The scout healer squeezed the hand back before reaching for her dropped blade and sheathing it with shaking hands. "Maybe I am not mad... Maybe I am horribly sane and it is the world that is mad." Mia said, seemingly more to herself as she got to her feet on shaking legs. "I have no answers to give... I do not know what happened between the fighting and now... I recall nothing."

Logged


Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2020, 12:26:10 AM »
Kilian was well aware of the look she was giving him. And it was true, he probably did sound crazy. He didn't know if the Scouts themselves even thought there was a chance to beat them. But what else would he believe? Everyone needed to hold out hope for something.

He frowned softly as she spoke. He hesitated a bit, tilting his head. "You want to die, then? Is that it?" He asked quietly, looking her over. He could imagine after seeing so much death that it could be depressing. And it could take a toll on one's mind. But still, to want to give up and end everything, it didn't seem right. He released quiet breath, looking down.

"I lost the boy who I loved recently. He was killed in Utopia." Kilian murmured after a moment. It was still painful to talk about, but he knew he couldn't let himself grieve forever. "He was the last person in my life who I felt gave me the strength to go on. When I heard of his passing, I wanted to end it all too." he admitted softly, watching Mia, his eyes pained. "I didn't though. Because his family is still alive. And I feel it's my duty to continue fighting for their safety and freedom." He said quietly. He shifted slightly, clearing a small lump that formed in his throat. "Shouldn't the same go for you, Mia? Shouldn't you want to continue fighting to ensure the safety of the families that remain of the fallen? To continue fighting to make sure they didn't die for nothing?" He asked.

Kilan then shook his head, frowning softly. "You made a mistake." He said simply, tilting his head to get a better look at her downcast gaze. "You're human. Same as everyone else. But you can make up for this." He murmured, offering a sympathetic smile.

He then rose to his feet, helping the woman to her feet as well. He glanced her over, hesitating. He wasn't sure if she was steady enough to even ride a horse, but they couldn't stay out here in the open. "They'll understand." He murmured, slowly letting go of her arm.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2020, 04:28:44 PM »
"Either that or go completely mad." Mia said quietly but with a horrible level of awareness in her voice as if she feared she was doomed to fall prey to madness brought about by horror and despair.
"Death is meaningless compared to vindication." Mia said, jumping at the sound of a bird flying from a tree branch. "Wings. Wings of freedom." She turned her focus back to Kilian again. "Everyone died at Utopia." There was a pause as some of what he said managed to slip past the madness and insanity. "My wings are broken... I doubt I could fight on for or defend anyone anymore... Everyone died and I lived, running, fleeing both physically and mentally."

She patted her horse's flank, the animal turning to nuzzle her master lovingly. "If it helps, it is noble you live for your slain love. But there are things worse than death.." Mia tried to say something supportive, however her mind slipped readily along the well trodden path of insanity.
"I do not think so. How can anyone trust me again now I have run? We should run though, we can never be too sure the Titans were stopped at Utopia." What if there were Titans that somehow managed to get past the Wall? What if he was wrong? What if they were all wrong?

Mia's eyes widened with sudden panic as her heart rate started to increase, in an instance the young woman started to scramble into her saddle. "They must have got through!" She yelled. "They got through into Utopia, they must have got through... We... We need to get going before they catch up." She told him, his facts warring with her mental instability.
Logged


Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #11 on: September 27, 2020, 11:04:27 PM »
Kilian's gaze softened as he watched her. Sure, going mad didn't seem pleasant. And he could understand how it was easy to lose your mind in this line of work. He shook his head slightly. "Mia, you know you have support." Kilian said. Whatever support would do for her though, he wasn't sure. He was sure all the scouts suffered the same level of mental trauma and whether they were any better at comforting someone, he wasn't sure.

He then shook his head, watching her. "Then don't fight." Kilian said, watching her. He wasn't sure if she could just up and quit like that, but he was sure she could figure something out. "Even if you can't fight anymore, you're still important. You were a sort of doctor for the scouts right? We can't lose someone valuable like you." Kilian insisted.

The young boy shifted, flicking his gaze down. Noble? He wasn't sure about that. This was just his way of trying to make up for Dalton's death since he wasn't there to protect him. Still, she was right. There were worse things then dying. He understood that.

His attention was brought back to the scout though when she started panicking again. His eyes widened and started taking a few steps away from her. "Mia...what we need to do is get you back to the base. You can't keep running, you're just going to get lost." Kilian said.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #12 on: September 28, 2020, 05:57:48 PM »
 It was true, the Scouts had stuck by her throughout the long period of her recovery when word had reached them of her miraculous survival against the odds. They had cared for her when she spent the initial weeks in their HQ, recovering, but raving and half mad. Eventually Mia sanity had returned... Though any information that her comrades may have hoped to get out of her remained locked inside her skull. Hidden by amnesia and locked away by repressed memories that contained such horror to turn her hair completely white.

"If you do not fight you cannot fly. If I do not fight who will protect the wounded? Who will care for the insane?" Mia questioned more to herself than him as if the thought was not meant to be said aloud. "Lose? But you know where I am?" She questioned still not fully there mentally. "I... I don't know if the Scouts will need me as a healer if I cannot be relied on." Mia had never deserted the wounded in any of the fights she unfortunately had been recorded in. That said however, Mia's grip on sanity was clearly prone to damage and slipping altogether.

"That is where I am going back to base. Away from the Titans before they get here." Mia argued as if she had not spent the last few days in wild flight across the countryside her companions a loyal and devoted horse and her madness. "We could go together but be careful as I don't have much gas left." Mia frowned as if unsure of something, then shrugged, she was clearly not well and quite possibly sick from several nights sleeping out in the open, no doubt worsened from lack of proper food and water.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #13 on: September 28, 2020, 08:12:36 PM »
Kilian hesitated a bit. He wasn't sure if he should say anything else, but was caught off guard when Mia started talking again. He gave a faint smile. "Exactly. So we still need you, Mia." He said, trying to reassure her. He was sure after some proper sleep and something to eat and drink, she would start thinking clearly again.

Kilian shook his head slightly at her lost comment. Sure, he knew where she was now. But if he left her alone, who knows where she might end up. He frowned a bit, watching her sympathetically. Did she really think of herself as unreliable? "No, come on. Don't talk like that." Kilian said, tilting his head. "I'm sure the Scouts need everyone who has any medical knowledge." He insisted. Besides Mia had friends in the scouts, right? Surely they would miss her if she left.

The boy relaxed slightly, nodding. Good, so she wanted to go back then. He whistled softly at the chestnut mare he was riding came trotting over to him. He smiled and rose his hand, petting his companion's neck. His smile faded though as Mia spoke. He could try to reassure her that they wouldn't run into titans, but deep down he wasn't even sure of that himself. Still, he doubted they would.

He took a quick glance over to her. If something happened would she even consider fighting? No, he couldn't expect her to in the state she was in. "If something happens I will do what I can to keep you safe. I promise." Kilian murmured. He then moved over to the side of his horse, pulling himself up to sit on the saddle.

Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #14 on: September 29, 2020, 05:01:17 PM »
 Mia was quiet for a while, unsure if the Scouts truly needed her or if it was perhaps a sign of how desperate humanity had become. Perhaps they needed her for her skill, or maybe they were so low on numbers that even the insane were forced to return to the conflict. Not that their enemy cared whether or not their prey happened to be sane. Mia instead gave a nod rather than give voice to the thoughts which buzzed about her head like a swarm of angry wasps.

"Knowledge is burden. To learn is to know and to know is to learn." Mia responded repeating a quote from a medical book she once read. "I know I am crazy otherwise why else would I return to face the Titans?" Maybe he was correct, perhaps the Scouts needed her talents, maybe he was hoping to bring her back safe before the Military Police or the Titans found her.
Mia did not know. She tried to calm her racing mind with other thoughts, anything, anything but the nightmare reality in which humanity strived forever in the face of impossible odds. Defeat was inevitable but where could they run too?

Mia gave him a single nod. "If they grab me, kill me... I don't want to be eaten alive." She told him, her voice grave. "I will do the same for you." She then smiled as if she had not said something terrible and dark, patting her horse's flank. The spotted mare glanced back at it's rider, the bond between horse and human particularly strong no doubt fostered from their shared survival.
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