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Author Topic: [OPEN] Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)  (Read 723 times)

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #15 on: September 29, 2020, 05:45:55 PM »
Kilian watched her, sighing softly. What else could he say to her? He didn't think she was crazy, just a bit shaken up. She wasn't thinking straight, that's all. She would get better in time, he was sure. It may not be a quick recovery. But he was sure with the support of their comrades, she would heal.

Kilian glanced down at the horse he was riding, gently patting her neck as he waited for Mia to get ready as well. His eyes had widened though at her words and his gaze snapped back to Mia. She wanted him to kill her? Sure, it would be merciful and he was sure he could make it quick. A lot quicker then what a titan would. But he was trained to kill titans, not his fellow comrades. A chill went up his spine and he released a shaky breath.

"Come on, let's start heading back." Kilian murmured quietly. He couldn't promise her he would end her life. He knew he wouldn't be capable of killing another human being. If anything, he would try saving her life. "You aren't going to die." He insisted, keeping his gaze away from her. He made a soft clicking noise and his horse huffed, starting to walk off.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #16 on: September 29, 2020, 09:30:46 PM »
 Mia noticed he did not seem to agree with the prospect of mercy killing a comrade to prevent a terrible and drawn out death by a Titan. Maybe he had yet to encounter the true horrors of war at the hands of those horrific monsters. Perhaps her mind, so fractured at present was content to wander down paths that Mia normally would find detestable and impossible. It was hard to say. They rode along, Mia humming entirely out of tune and glancing around nervously, almost as if her head were on a swivel. Even with his reassurances that they were safe, Mia still feared a Titan attack.
Their enemy was relentless and tenacious, they would find a way in... One way or another.

"No. I am already dead but have yet to die." She shot back. "Everyone else dies but for me." Mia sounded incredible sad about this fact, but maybe it was more to do with the exhaustion and sheer level of grief as well as horror that infested her soul. She had survived two battles where she really should have died, each time managing to live on somehow... Even if only in this battered and fractured existence, a half life was still a the end of the day life.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2020, 07:54:48 PM »
Kilian was silent as the two trotted along on their horses. He kept a watchful eye out on their surroundings, making sure there weren't any lurking threats anywhere. It wasn't just titans they had to be mindful of. Sure, they were the biggest threat of course. But wildlife could be dangerous as well if there were predators around. The last thing he needed was Mia bolting and him not being able to find her again.

He glanced over at his companion, listening as she hummed. He frowned a bit softly and glanced ahead again. "Oh." he whispered after a moment, his eyes widening slightly. "I apologize, Mia. I haven't even introduced myself yet." He said. He had been distracted worrying about her health that he had completely forgot. "My name is Kilian Richter. I'm one of the newest recruits." He said, offering a faint smile. 
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I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #18 on: October 02, 2020, 12:55:09 PM »
 Mia did not yet know what was worse the horrors of war and the screams of the dead, the dying and the wounded as they echoed in her mind and dreams, or the deadly silence that sometimes reigned, a silence that often seemed louder than those screams. "Well met Kilian." She decided to leave out any mention of his being a newer recruit to the Scouts. The rookies always had a terrible casualty rate, though if he survived he would rapidly become a good soldier and thus increase his chances of survival.

However... Surviving as ever came at a price. Mia was walking proof of what it might cost a soldier to survive, to not have the poor fortune to die or be too badly wounded to return to active service. Sometimes the enemy did not need to inflict physical harm to damage a person, perhaps dying in battle was far better a fate, a mercy than to be driven mad by horror and despair.

Mia would recover again just as she had from her first unfortunate bout of madness... But it was a clear fact of her life that whatever horrors first shattered her sanity, remained far closer to the surface that perhaps even Mia realised.
Logged


Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2020, 12:37:18 AM »
Kilian looked towards Mia, his head tilted slightly. Well met, huh? He had a feeling that was her way of saying good luck. He understood his chances were most likely slim. He was a new recruit and this wasn't like training. They were facing actual titans now. Not training dummies. He knew one mistake would lead him to his death.

Kilian glanced down, staring at his horse. Despite knowing the risks, he didn't feel scared. If you asked him three years ago, he would say he was terrified of dying. Yet now, it seemed almost welcoming. He wasn't sure he believed in an afterlife, but he desperately wanted to hope there was. He wanted to believe he would be able to see his former lover again when his time came. The boy shook his head, attempting to force those thoughts out of his head. He knew Dalton wouldn't want him to just throw away his life. But, seeing the state Mia was in right now, maybe this was worse than death.

He blinked, looking ahead again, releasing a soft breath. "Do you have any friends in the Scouts Mia?" Kilian asked, looking over at the woman again. He knew having friends around was beneficial. And they would know Mia better then him. So he was hoping they'd be able to help her heal better then what he could. Maybe seeing them again would put her mind at ease.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #20 on: October 14, 2020, 08:07:39 AM »
"Of course I have friends." Mia said as if the question were an obvious one. When she was not filled with despair and desperate madness brought about by terror and horror, Mia was surprisingly friendly and cheery. Whether it was her nature was up for debate, her will to resist and fight the Titans was fragile at best. Whatever they had done to her comrades initially had wounded her deeply, witnessing the deaths of so many in Utopia brought back horrors and nightmares long hidden by amnesia and unconscious suppression.

She rode along, seemingly content to let silence fill the air between them. Now that someone had managed to drag her from her terrors, exhaustion clung to her, the battle, the flight, the barely getting any rest or sleep... It was perhaps a grim miracle that Mia still happened to be standing.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #21 on: October 17, 2020, 12:20:11 PM »
Kilian gave a small nod to her answer, looking ahead. That was good that she did. Whenever they got back to the base, he'd have to track them down so they could go see her. Mia's friends were probably worried sick. He'd let her wander off on her own to find them, but what she needed right now was rest and some medical attention. "Once you're settled in, I'll find them and send your friends your way." Kilian offered, giving her a small smile.

"How long have you been a scout?" The boy asked curiously. He had met a few veteran members, but he was mostly stuck with the new recruits. Not that he minded since the new recruits were his classmates he's known for three years. Although the only one left alive that he was close to was still recovering from his injuries and heading into the Military Police.

He pushed his thoughts aside, turning his attention back to Mia. If he had to guess, he would say she's been here a few years already. But maybe not. Though he could tell by her breakdown that she's been here long enough to witness too much death.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #22 on: October 18, 2020, 02:29:41 PM »
 Mia shook her head at his offer. "No I would rather they did not see me." Partly this was because she did not want to be seen by anyone in such a fragile state. Mia was not the soldier many of them believed her to be, she did not want that belief to be shattered so utterly. However there was another reason to not see her friends, as then she would know who survived and who was devoured during the fighting. It was far better to not know than to discover the truth.

"Not very long." Mia admitted. "Only a year, maybe two if that." The fates had been far from kind to the young woman, who was in truth only sixteen. The brutal battles, the bloody slaughter of mankind... It scarred the soul. "In hindsight I should have joined the Garrison... The brave might choose the Scouts but bravery does not shield you from the scars." Her hair was perhaps the most visible reminder of what could happen, bright white instead of fiery orange.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #23 on: October 19, 2020, 05:25:19 PM »
Kilian looked confused for a moment. Surely she'd want to see her friends, especially if they were part of defending Utopia. Kilian glanced away from Mia after a moment. Oh. Perhaps that was why. It seemed she fled pretty early after her squad was killed off. And maybe some of her friends didn't make it. Maybe it was best for her not to know who didn't make it. At least not yet. "I understand." Kilian murmured, offering a faint sympathetic smile.

Kilian glanced over towards her, his eyes slightly wide. She'd only been here around two years? He really thought she was here for much longer then that. Still, two years staying alive in the scouts, that was impressive. Although, given her state of mind right now, maybe it wasn't so great. He glanced down, hesitating a bit. "No, it doesn't." Kilian murmured quietly. He'd already lost someone and that was before he joined the scouts. He was aware if he grew close to anyone here, he would most likely experience that loss again.

"If you could transfer to the Garrison, would you?" He asked, looking towards Mia. He wasn't sure if transferring even was possible. But if it was, maybe it would be the better option for her.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #24 on: October 20, 2020, 07:22:36 AM »
"This world we live in, is cold and cruel. The strong survive, the weak suffer what they must and for what?" Mia shook her head with a long frustrated sigh. "A chance of love? To earn money? Outside those Walls lies the hope of freedom, of a chance for a better life and even though what lurks out there seeks to crush us, eat us, kill us... Freedom is worth it, it is worth dying for." She said, perhaps speaking more to herself. "It is worth losing your mind for." Mia was aware her grip on sanity was forever a weak link, a flaw in her character, one she could try to reinforce but against the foes they faced, her greatest weakness.

"It doesn't, sacrifice no matter how necessary can still wound your soul." Mia did not see herself as a veteran, heck she was not even sure how she saw herself anymore. She was just so tired, tired of being haunted by nightmares, tired of being afraid to close her eyes, tired of the fear that she might slip forever into the welcoming arms of madness and despair. Mia wanted to be a soldier, she wanted to be there to save her friends and comrades...

At his question Mia shook her head. "If I transferred now I would be rendering everything I had suffered, I lost, I sacrificed mute, it would be pointless to switch now and abandon the cause. I admit most Scouts have not suffered as I do, they are not tormented things like me." She forced a smile. "We will win because we cannot afford to lose."
Logged


Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #25 on: October 20, 2020, 02:44:46 PM »
The boy was silent as Mia spoke, keeping his gaze down. It was true, the weak either suffered or were killed in battle. But, he imagined the strong suffered too. They just didn't show it as often, if at all. He glanced towards her, hesitating a bit. He agreed, freedom was worth dying for. But to lose your mind?

Of course sacrifice hurt. It was painful to lose comrades and friends who you were close to. He understood that. And he knew the longer he was alive in the scouts, the more he'd experience it. And although he was prepared for it, he didn't want any others to lose their lives, as bleak as that hope was.

Kilian nodded, frowning softly. Everything would have been in vain if she left now. But it would be better for her health, surely. He sighed softly. "Mia, you're not..." Kilian's voice trailed off as he stared at her. She wasn't what? Tormented? Broken? She was, and there was no denying that. She had suffered in her short years as a scout. "Maybe you are tormented. But you're not weak." He said, trying to reassure her. "If anything, you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. Most I know would have fled and quit the military if they went through all you did." Kilian murmured.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #26 on: October 21, 2020, 03:42:35 PM »
"The human body and mind has limitations and I think I am mostly at mine. Maybe you are right and I am not weak, but nor can I count myself among the ranks of the strong." The strong, the capable, the mentally strong, able to cope with the horrors of war and reality. She barely knew even of the fraction of the horrors within her own skull, but even partial knowledge was enough to not want to know any more.

"I took an oath to dedicate my heart to humanity, maybe to the Garrison and the Military Police it does not mean anything since they are safe and protected." But to her, it meant something even if it cost her virtually everything to continue to exist. "I am probably far from the best person to welcome you to the Scouts... Were I... Were I better I am much friendlier and more..." She searched for the right word before eventually saying. "Chipper than I am now." There were two sides to Mia the joyful side and the haunted ghost side of her. Suddenly Mia's horse let out a snort and she glanced at the creature, gently patting it's neck.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2020, 04:35:32 PM »
Kilian stayed silent for a while, thinking about what she had said. Did she really not consider herself strong? He thought otherwise. She had the strength to continue fighting even after enduring loss and pain. She had the strength to continue working in the scouts despite having the option to transfer. To him, that made her strong. So what if she wasn't physically the strongest in the scouts? She still had determination and he admired that.

Kilian let out a soft laugh and shook his head a bit. "Mia, it's alright." The boy murmured, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't mind catching her on a bad day. He was just happy he managed to find her alive. "You've done enough for me. In truth, I'm sorry you're in the state you are right now. But I'm happy I actually got to speak to you like this." Kilian said, looking over towards her. "It's...You've been insightful and told me things others would probably lie about to not scare us new recruits. I appreciate it." Kilian murmured.

Kilian took a glance down at Mia's horse when he heard it snort, frowning softly. His horse huffed as well, fidgeting slightly. Kilian reached down, lightly patting at its neck. "Hey, it's alright buddy." He murmured softly, trying to calm his horse. He glanced around, trying to spot anything that could have startled the horses.
Logged


I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #28 on: October 26, 2020, 03:55:40 PM »
 Mia stared at him, unsure whether or not he was being honest. Maybe he truly thought that, perhaps he was just saying it in order to be kind. She was not sure, but in the end she merely nodded by way of acknowledgement. It seemed a rather small thing to do in regards to his words, but Mia found herself at a loss for words. After a long pause, she said. "I think you will find that fear is our foe's greatest weapon. Not their strength, not their endurance, not their numbers... But the fear that instill into every single one of us." It was being able to resist that fear, to act, that helped soldiers to stay alive. Maybe Mia had once been among them, but now her terror, her horror was near impossible to control, like trying to stop water from slipping through the gaps in her fingers.

Mia kept a wary on their surroundings, in case what startled the horses made an appearance. Slowly, a hand reached for one of her blades. Yet nothing appeared, no wild animals, no Titans. After a few tense seconds, her horse let out a snort and trotted on happily. Maybe the animals were at times just as skittish as their human masters.
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Re: Deliverance Lost (Post Utopia/OPEN)
« Reply #29 on: October 27, 2020, 12:55:00 PM »
Kilian merely offered a soft smile at her nod, looking ahead again. He listened silently as she spoke again. He didn't know what to say at that. She was right of course. The truth was they were terrifying. He knew firsthand. That day when his home fell, he could still clearly remember it. He had nightmares almost every night about it. But he knew sooner or later he'd have to get over these fears if he wanted to survive in the scouts. He released a deep sigh and gave a small nod. "We'll both be fine, Mia." He said after a moment.

Kilian sat in silence as he looked around. Thankfully all had seemed clear and he relaxed a bit when Mia's horse started trotting on again. Kilian continued patting at Autumn's neck, letting his companion take a moment to relax before pushing her onwards again. when he caught back up to Mia, he hummed softly.

"You know, I love our horse companions. But I swear they get startled by their own shadow sometimes." Kilian murmured, attempting to lighten the mood for Mia. He didn't want her panicking again. "Autumn here got scared of a butterfly once even though she towered over it." Kilian murmured.
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I wrestled long with my youth
We tried so hard to live in the truth

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